It just started raining

Happy Monday! This is a small piece I wrote a number of months ago. I imagine it's relatively self-explanatory. I'm posting it as a sort of "ode to vulnerability." I suppose it's unfinished (hence the ellipsis at the end), and I imagine it will remain unfinished for the rest of history. I won't spend any more time detailing it, because I don't think it needs to be quantified today, with nearly 9 months of hindsight since writing it.

Take time today to reflect on where you've been in your life.

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It's June 16, 2012 and it just started raining. It is raining metaphorically and literally. I was informed today that my position was being eliminated at High Street.

I'm not being fired, I'm a casualty of the economic realities of this decade. 

Unfortunately, that doesn't make me feel any better.

I suppose it's normal to run a gamut of emotions when you're faced with this situation, I've gone from disbelief to sadness to anger to disappointment and back again.

I don't believe this is happening to me. I don't understand why it's happening now. Despite the insistence that I didn't do anything to cause this to happen, I can't help but feel that there is something I could have done to prevent this. If only I were a better pastor, this wouldn't have happened. 

I'm sad. I really love ministry at high street, I love my students. I absolutely wanted the chance to see some of my students graduate. I can't believe that I'm going to miss the rest of their experiences through high school. I'm sad because I was so excited to work with an awesome pastor like Rob. That won't be happening now. I won't get any of that. Instead, I'm being forced out of a door, and there don't seem to be any doors open to me at this point.

I'm angry for a great many reasons. I'm positive that anger is an appropriate and healthy thing. I'm angry at the people who have asked me to leave. I'm angry at their decision. I'm angry that this is happening t me, at this time in my life. I don't suppose there is ever a good time, but this feels like the worst time. 

I'm disappointed, I really wanted to finish what I started...