2013: A Review

2013 was a big year for me and my family. I started the year living with my in-laws and working as a part time cook making nearly minimum wage at a restaurant. I ended the year working full-time as a pastor again, living on a farm!

I've taken some time and thought about ten of my favorite experiences/memories of the year. Here they are, in no particular order.

Continue

Book #4 - The Land Between

A few years ago, when I was pastoring at High Street, a church on the district got a new youth pastor. He literally started just a few months after me, but I had "seniority" on him, since I was on the district first.

Joel and I quickly became friends. We directed a district retreat together, attended events together and basically just started really enjoying each other's company. We actually were pitted against each other a couple years ago for District Secretary (I won). He went through a difficult time at his church which ended with him leaving for a church in Michigan. He's not an OSU fan, so this didn't bother him nearly as much as it bothered me that he ended up in Michigan.

We've stayed in contact since he left the district (and now that I've left the district in any sort of official capacity). He and his wonderful wife had a baby a few months ago and they instagram tons of pictures so that we can keep up.

Anyrate, a few weeks ago, Joel asked me for my address because he wanted to send me a book. I gave it to him and a couple days later a book called The Land Between arrived in my mailbox. Written by Neil Mancini, this book parallels the difficult times in our lives (like being between jobs) and the struggle that the Israelites felt when they were between Egypt and The Promised Land.

The book was fantastic! If you saw any of my instagram/facebook/twitter (social media junkie!) activity while I was reading it, you know that I was touched by the honesty of the book and the way that it connected with my life.

This past year has been incredibly difficult. Without a doubt, it's been the most difficult thing I've ever gone through (and that includes an almost-cancer scare). But, Mancini summed it up so well as he wrote about his son (who is, coincidentally, named Alex too):

"Though it was a difficult [year] for Alex, I am grateful he had to endure it. I believe God is molding him into a leader, and this molding will require pressure as part of his formation. I am thankful for the trials [he] experiences and for the hardships he faces. It is my belief that he is not only maturing as a man but also as a man of God. I trust that God will use the difficulties and challenges in Alex's life to transform him. Far from being alarmed by [his] burdens, I give thanks, because I know that he is being stretched and pulled for a reason. Alex is being provided with an opportunity to become a man of faith, a man of trust." (emphasis mine)

My prayer is that these things are true, that my "Land Between," my "Exile" has provided me with the opportunity and proven me to be a man of faith, a man of trust.

Continue

The Post I've Been Waiting to Write

On June 16, 2012, I was on my way home from MVNU with a small group of my students. Things at High Street had been very tense for a few weeks. There was a lot of pressure coming from a few individuals on the board that was wearing me thin. Xavier was five weeks old, so sleep was at a premium. All-in-all, I was already high-stress.

We had a conversation in April or May with some of the board and the DS, the DS informed us that finances were somewhat tight at HSN and nobody's job was secure. He told us there would be no hard feelings if we left in the interim because, quite frankly, it would make things a lot less painful. (My wording, not his)

So, I started "looking" then. I had already been down to the "final 2" of a church before June. My resume was already in the hands of a couple churches even after that original interview on the NWO District."

Anyway, back to June 16. I was on my home from BLAST at MVNU and I got a call from a board member asking if I could meet at Tim Hortons. After a few phone calls back and forth, they cancelled the meeting then asked again if I could meet. I asked if it was anything important so that I could prepare myself for the conversation (already having had a number of tough conversations with some board members), they told me it wasn't. So, I went.

My spidey-senses were tingling, I even told my friend Dave (another youth pastor) that I was pretty sure I was being let go. He prayed with me in the parking lot of a Wendys before we parted ways.

I went to the meeting and was, in fact, let go. My ministry at High Street would be over at the end of June. They asked me to keep tight lipped about it and not tell the whole church, they wanted the opportunity to present the facts.

We were absolutely devastated.

In the weeks that followed, we prayed and asked God for direction. I started a more earnest search, enlisting the help of friends who were more connected than I was.

I had a phone interview with a church in Mason, Michigan while I was in Chicago on the HSN mission trip with my students. I sat in the air conditioned van and talked with the church board.

I had a phone interview with a church in San Diego, where I was informed I was the pastor's top candidate.

Then, I made the "Final 4" with Mason. They were having 4 candidates come in to interview for the soon-to-be vacant youth pastor position and I was given the choice of when to come in (which felt like an honor to me). We went first.

After the interview weekend in Mason, we had another phone interview in San Diego, this time with the search committee. The pastor seemed really excited about Holly and I. We were ready to pack our bags for a weekend interview onsite in San Diego.

Then Mason called, they were going with one of the other candidates.

Then San Diego called, they wanted someone more "SoCal."

After months of silence, we got a call from a church in Baltimore. I had a couple phone interviews, then we went out for a weekend interview. I asked if we were the only people being interviewed, basically asking "Is it my job to lose." We were told that there was another interview scheduled, but it was my job to lose.

After the weekend in Maryland, we were ready to move out there, even getting an "unofficial offer" on the last day we were there. After about a month of waiting, Maryland called, they were going with the other guy, he was from the area, his folks actually went to the church.

Cue another couple months wait before getting the call from Marietta. Things went really fast there before getting asked down for a weekend interview. We went down knowing we were the only interview scheduled and the NYI President (who had run the search) was really excited for us to come be the new youth pastor.

We left there knowing they were having a board meeting in 2 days, so we were ready to get the call on Wednesday morning. As Wednesday afternoon rolled around, my senses started going off again; I texted the NYI President and she told me the pastor was going to call me. He did about 5 minutes later, they were going to go with someone else.

That was in April. I even wrote about the absolute heartbreak that accompanied that phone call. You can read it here.

Fast forward a couple months and we got another chance with a church in Springfield. I met the pastor over coffee, we met the search committee then finally the whole church was invited to meet us. I preached there on June 16, 2013 (exactly one year to the day after being fired).

They voted this morning and the vote was "overwhelmingly positive." So, as of tomorrow morning, I'm the Family Life Pastor at Hillside Church of God in Springfield Ohio!

Thank you all, seriously, I can't thank you all enough for your prayers, love and support. The past year was the most difficult year of my life (which is sad because I had such joy with my little boy). There were times when I thought we'd never find another position in ministry. But, we've accepted the position, start there tomorrow.

I'm so excited to be back in the saddle. It feels great to be "pa" again. Note, that's not "Pa" to my hillbilly friends (although there are a couple people who do call me Pa), it's p-a, as in, Pastor Alex!

Thanks for supporting us through our time of Exile, our Land Between and being willing to console through the tears, frustrations, and moments of anger. We count ourselves lucky to have such great friends.

And with this news, I officially cross off the first thing from my list of 30 things to do before turning 30, get back into full time ministry!

Continue

The week that was, but I wish wasn't

I can't lie about this, part of the reason I started writing this blog, made a list of books to read and things to do, is that I'm so frustrated with where my life is right now.

If you had asked me a year ago where my life would be right now, this was not it. This was nowhere near what I expected in my life. I can't overstate that enough.

So, I've spent the past 10 months trying to "right the ship," if you will. I've been trying to get things back into a place where I want them. I spent three months unemployed, but still drawing a salary, so I didn't do much. I sent my resume to every single Nazarene youth pastor opening I saw.

The next five have been spent working at a restaurant as a cook. I hate it. I thought I'd be there for a few weeks because surely I wouldn't be stuck in this place so long. Boy, that wasn't even close to correct.

So, a few weeks ago, things started to line up. We got an interview nailed down, and everything seemed like it was going to happen. I felt like God was finally bringing us out of this place. God had finally decided that it was time to move on from here.

I know a lot of people get excited when they have interviews and they think "this is it!" I had taken four interviews prior to this most recent one, I didn't feel that way about any of them. I was so sure that this was it, I was preparing the restaurant for my departure. Holly was preparing her employer for her departure. We even discussed timing plans with the in-laws regarding how/when we were going to move. I started collecting some boxes from work.

This wasn't all just fantasy, I promise. Every communication from the church we were heading to made it seem like the interview was just a formality. We were in. They even took our opinion on what color to paint a couple rooms in the parsonage.

We went for the interview and on Saturday night, after the interview, Holly and I talked, after talking with our hosts. We looked at each other and said, "this is it."

Well, it wasn't. Not by a long shot. Dreams were crushed. Plans were stopped. And now... nothing. I don't know what's next. Everyone likes to ask that, after a crushed soul, "What's next, Alex?"

The truth is, I have no idea. I literally have no idea what we're going to do next. Keep looking for a ministry position? Go into management at the restaurant I'm in (They're dying to have me do that)? Go back to school and get my MDiv? Go back to school and start a whole new career?

I have no idea what's next. Most of those are exclusive. If I do one, I can't do the rest. God says, "Ask, Seek, Knock."

I've asked. I mean, I've asked. I've begged and begged and begged. I've cried tears of desperation. I've asked everyone I know for advice. I've asked God for guidance and direction. I've asked. Over and over and over.

We've sought. I'm not sure I can even begin to count how many places I've sent my resume. I've sent it far and wide (as close as the NWO District, as far as Washington State). We've had interviews with churches on both sides of the country (literally: San Diego and Maryland). We've even discussed an over-seas opportunity at one point. Every single youth pastor opening that I've even been given wind of, I've contacted. More often than not, I'm getting no response. That's not figurative, it's literal, no response. I've sought.

I've knocked. Every single door I can think of, I've knocked. Career change? Knock knock. Youth pastor openings? Knock knock. Senior pastor? Knock knock. Discipleship pastor? Knock knock. Young adult pastor? Knock knock. Military chaplain? Knock knock. Military officer (non-chaplain)? Knock knock. I've never experienced something like this before. Every door we've knocked on, none have opened. The ones that seemed to be open have been shut in our faces.

I'm bone weary.

I'm completely exhausted.

I'm confused.

I'm doubting.

I'm questioning.

I'm broken.

I'm sad.

I'm angry.

I'm weak.

I'm hurting.

I'm at the end of my rope.

And here's where the cliches come in, "when you're at the end of your rope..."

"God gives rest to the weary..."

"God gives strength to the weak..."

"When one door closes..."

In my experience over the past ten months, none of that seems to be true. Every door that I've pursued has closed. Every window that I've pursued has been closed. Every small glimmer of light has gone dark.

I really thought this was it. I thought I was going to begin writing about starting a new ministry, moving to a new place, meeting new friends. Instead... none of that.

Last week was a complete bust. I didn't read anything. I didn't run a single mile.

This week will be different. I've got a list of things to do, going to turn it around, make something happen.

Be blessed, friends. Continue to pray for us as we continue to struggle through this time of Exile.

Continue

Out of Exile

I've made no secret that the past nine months haven't been very fun for me. I've openly questioned "why?" I've been miserable in many ways. I've definitely had to work on my anger with a few individuals and was intensely challenged by a sermon my friend Rob on forgiveness regarding my feelings toward those individuals.

Another of my friends, Israel, was telling me a few weeks ago how he read through the book of Jeremiah during our pastoral interim. He was drawing the parallels for me to his experience with that of the Israelites/Judahites during the Babylonian Exile. I took his recommendation of the book of Jeremiah as a hint that perhaps I should read that book during my own "Exile" from active, full-time vocational ministry.

I started reading the book a few weeks ago, taking it nice and slow so as to take enough time to really digest what I have been reading and to focus on the Word, not just read it to say I've read it.

So, I've drawn some parallels of my own based on the weeping prophet.

First, this has undeniably been a time of exile for me. It's been incredibly difficult. It's been full of tears. It's been full of questioning. it's been extremely frustrating. I've felt abandoned, discouraged and broken at different times over the past months. I did not, however, feel like I was being prepared for this time in my life. Perhaps I wasn't paying attention, but I don't ever feel like God was getting me ready for such a time as this. Again, maybe I just wasn't paying attention, wasn't willing to learn.

The second major revelation for me happened in the fifteenth chapter, right at the end when God finally says to the people "I will save you from..." This was incredibly for me, because it was the promise that accompanied the Exile. The people were being punished (I haven't figured out if I was being punished, or being winnowed through this period), but God was quick to tell them that he wasn't abandoning them. He would save them. He would bring them through.

What a powerful word from the Lord. I'm leaning, in these days, on God to bring me through to the end of this period. I've felt for a few weeks now that this period of my life is drawing to a close. I believe that something is going to happen soon and God is finally readying me for this time to be over. In my selfishness, I can't wait. I'm ready to get back in the saddle and get back to work for the Kingdom.

Most of the people who are reading this are friends of mine, people who have known me for years and have been praying for my family and me during this time. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for the prayers and support over the past months. It's meant a lot to us. Continue to pray for us in the days to come, please!

Continue